Heavenly Father, I ask for your Spirit now. I ask humbly and timidly. I feel as though your Spirit has left me. Although I don’t believe that to be true, it is how it feels. Like a body without blood I feel my soul is without your Spirit. Please return him to me. Don’t leave me alone. I know that you won’t, but don’t leave me.

I’m asking. I’m trying to seek you in your Word. I’m wanting to knock but I’m not sure where. Father, give me the “good gift” of the Holy Spirit or show me that I already have him.

Well first, you get no new blogs.  Shocker, I know.  Secondly, you get circles under your eyes and lots of kid friendly meals because *someone* doesn’t feel like cooking a meal for just herself and fighting encouraging kids to eat 3 bites. Thirdly, you get more time to pray, do laundry, mop floors, and make applesauce.

I know that the whole applesauce thing sounds thrown in there, but it’s honestly what I’ve been doing with the 28 lbs of apples we picked with some friends a couple weeks ago.

The kids and I have been doing a lot of just hanging out and enjoying fall.  I mean it’s fall.  The BEST time of year.  Fall means walks, crafts, baking, soup, walks, researching new finds from outside, pumpkins, leaves, hoodies, walks, apple cider, hot chocolate, fires, farms, walks.

Did I mention walks?  Because we do a lot of that around here.  We NEED the outside.  And since, in the winter, I really dislike bundling everyone up just to have someone say they need another glove or hat or scarf or they have to go potty as soon as they’re in the car, we try to get outside as much as we can in the fall.  It’s just something about being outside that calms my mind and enables me to be quiet in my soul and remember the One who created everything.  It doesn’t matter if the kids are running and screaming and picking up every stick, rock and leaf that they see to save as a “treasure”.  It’s just something about it.  Anyway.

As you can see…I cherish anything that gives me calm.

I’m sure I have stories to tell, but quite frankly, there isn’t too much activity going on in the old brain right now.  So, instead of blabbing on and on without getting to the point, I’ll let some pictures tell what we’ve been doing for the past few weeks.  Enjoy! (btw, I’m sorry for the quality of the photos…they’re all from my phone!)

Our relationship was birthed in sin. Its only attribute was sin. I remember thinking, and believing, for a long time, that there was just no way Amanda and I could be together because of how messed up and sinful our past was. At times it’s still hard to believe. As I think about it now all I can think of is how amazing Gods grace is. He has been so very merciful to us, and has blessed us with a wonderful marriage, and now 4 beautiful kids. It doesn’t make sense to me at all. But I guess grace doesn’t make much sense, that’s the wonder of the gospel.

So, in honor of our 6 years together, here are 6 things I love about Amanda (in no particular order):

1: She’s more amazed and thankful for Gods grace then I am. I love her broken joy when we talk about how God has blessed us. She is a delight to my soul.

2: She loves to serve. She is always serving somebody. With 4 kids there is much demanded of you. When they’re all 5 and under there’s more demanded. When your homeschooling there’s more. When your husband is as sinful and selfish as me there’s way more demanded. And yet she longs to be a blessing to more people! She has so much reward awaiting her.

3: She’s an awesome cook!

4: She makes our home, OUR HOME. She fills it with joy. I love coming home. But I really love coming home to her. When I came home tonight, I saw her and was immediately thankful for her in my life.

5: I get to brag about her to others. When I’m out with guys I get excited when our wives come up in convo. I get to boast in the grace of God in her life, always. What a joy that is!

6: She’s smokin’ hot! It’s like I hit the lottery with this gal. She’s off the hook.

Godly, humble, servent, cook, growing in grace, and beautiful!

God, thank you for hooking a brother up.

Eric

Image source

There are 4 things that I can 99.99% guarantee will happen when I put the kids to bed at night.

1. They will all (except Mae) ask for water in their cups. Not just any water…COLD water. No joke. We’ve tried to get away with just walking out of the room and walking back in as if we have filled it up, but we’ve only gotten away with it 2 or 3 times in as many years. They probably shouldn’t have water in their beds or be allowed to ask for any, but we pick our battles wisely around here.

2. Keely will pray and thank God for lollipops, chocolate, marshmallows, ice cream and donuts. Sometimes it will be one of those, sometimes it will be all of those. Most of the time she hasn’t had any of those that day, but she likes to cover all the bases. Tonight she asked me if we could have fruit smoothies for breakfast on Thursday…..which is in two days.

3. Ezra will ask me what we’re doing tomorrow. It’s also the first thing he utters in the morning. No slackers aloud.

4. I will be tempted and, at times, give into impatience and anger at the never-ending questions or comments or needs or extra potty breaks or whatever it may be that night.

So why is #4 on the list a constant struggle? Is it because my kids are intent on bugging me just to bug me? Doubt it. Are they trying to milk it? Sure. Should I respond in anger or frustration because they are being kids and just want some extra time awake with mom and dad? No, of course not. I SHOULD be showing them more love and affection to leave them knowing that they are cared for and loved. Instead of doing what I should do, I become selfish and angry because now they are cutting into ME time. You all know what I’m talking about, right? My thoughts swirl around all that I’ve done today for them, from cleaning spills to having heart to hearts….from teaching phonics to tickle games….from making meals to bathing. So of course I DESERVE for them to go to bed quickly and quietly! Here’s the kicker…who said I deserve any ME time? Who said my time is to be used for whatever I want? Uhmmm….yeah. So now I’m faced with a decision to make…..give into my impatience, or have self-control?

We all obviously know the answer, but it’s easier said than done and also very easy to do that for the wrong reasons. If my reason for having self-control is just so that the kids won’t bear the brunt of my impatience and so hurt their feelings, that’s not going to 1. last very long and 2. honor the Lord. Here’s where my motivation must come from:

15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 16 But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

Knowing that Christ died for this sin that continually creeps up, is my first motivation. Praise the Lord I don’t have to atone for my sins, they’ve been paid for, forgiven, and forgotten! Secondly, I must remember how patient He is with ME….how can I be impatient with my kids at bedtime when Christ has been ever more patient with me?

The Lord is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. (Ps 145:8)

Side note:  When we moved and were packing up everything, I counted the number of videotapes we had of Ezra in the first year.  It was over 15 videotapes.  Maelyn (baby #4) has about 5 or 6 video’s on my phone…not even whole tapes.  No matter what you say (such as “I’ll NEVER be one of those moms who doesn’t have any pictures or videos of subsequent children”), it happens.  I do have many pictures, but I have yet to even buy a baby book for her.  Sad.  I do have an app on my phone, but, still pretty lame compared to Ezra and Keely.

I also remember thinking I didn’t have time to do “anything.”  Whatever that means.

Ha. Ha. Ha.  Oh the foolishness that abounds.  I’m thankful now if I remember to eat.

Anyway, since officially starting school with Ez this year, I’ve become much more aware of many things.  I don’t have time to go into them right now (as I should be cleaning the bathroom and baking a dessert for tonight’s guests.  Sorry Smiths!), but one of them is the amount or quality of time spent with each child.  So my question for all of you with more than one child is……How do you specifically get time with each child individually?  I know that some of you go out on dates with your kids a couple times a month, but I’m more interested in the day to day or week to week basis…meaning, not an “official” date type deal.  I do get time with Ezra most days since he doesn’t take naps too often anymore and that’s when I do some school stuff with him.  We get to talk and learn and be free from the chatter of the girls.  I also get time with Mae in the early morning and sometimes in the evening too.  The two middle girls I don’t get much time with though…..any ideas from anyone on intentionality with each kid amongst the busyness of life and responsibility?

Got some time with this crazy today.  Love her.

The Lord has had me in this place of dying to self for a long time. He has everyone on that path I suppose, and some of us “get” it quicker than others.  I don’t think i’m part of that “some.”  There have been trials, though small in comparison to most, that have led me to really have to try and grasp that I can’t do it all.  I know, I know, confessionally I would say that I can’t do it all, but functionally, I really think I can, at least in theory.  I read blogs or books about these women who have 8 kids, train them in the Lord, homeschool,  make healthy and frugal meals, garden out the wazoo, disciple younger women, get discipled  by older women, have an etsy shop, get to sew or cook or make soap for fun, and of course they exercise 4 times a week.  They seem to have immaculate homes, a  healthy social life, witness to anyone they talk to at the grocery store or playground, have time to not only have devotions, but study the Word AND read the latest fiction book; they have every half hour organized, spend time on Facebook and STILL have time to be intimate with their husbands.  Oh, and they’re funny and charming and wear makeup everyday.

Are these people for real?

I will readily admit that I have talked myself into thinking that these are, in fact, real people.  I mean, their books are encouraging with some stories of failure peppered throughout.  Their blogs have the occasionally funny mishap.  But all in all, they’re doing pretty well.  Right?

Well, whoever they are (and I’m positive they’re not showing the whole story!), they aren’t me.  I fail daily at training my children in the way they should go.  I fail daily at exercising. (make that monthly!) I fail regularly at being a willing partner for my husband.  I fail daily at honoring the Lord as I should.  I fail. I fail ALL. THE. TIME.

Should this surprise me? No. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

Does this surprise me?  At times, yes.  In my self-righteousness, pride, and stemming from my indoctrination of a “you can have it all” American woman type of unregenerate belief (and thus, indwelling sin), I functionally believe that I can in fact do all of those aforementioned things.  Good things.  Things that God would want us to excel at as keepers of our homes and as helpmates and mothers.

Slowly over the past year or so as I’ve had more and more responsibility, more kids, and minimal time for myself (which is usually spent grocery shopping or planning school or doing other necessary things without kids around) i’ve started to realize it’s okay.  It’s okay to not be able to  cook meals for every person I know that has had a baby or is sick.  It’s okay to not be able to hang out with people because the kids need to go to bed or need their heart adjusted at the moment.  It’s okay to not be able to serve the church in certain ways or attend meetings because I need to care for my family in the mundane.  It’s okay to eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner for a night because we’ve had a busy day with school and lots of discipline issues.  It’s even okay to leave dishes in the sink.  (well, I’m still waiting to be okay with that one.)

It’s okay because God tells me “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (matt 11:30). It’s okay because I have been redeemed and the blood of Christ cleanses me from all sin.  (Not that it’s an excuse to sin all the more! Romans 6) The burdens I have been feeling when I’ve texted a friend saying “please pray, I am overwhelmed and can’t breathe” are NOT from the Lord.  They are from me.  In my pride I have set expectations where they need not be.  God asks me to be faithful, He does not ask me to be superwoman.  There is a new covenant!  He asks me to love, trust and obey Him.  He asks me to have joy in HIM and not in the things of this world.  All of my ‘good works’ are nothing in comparison to that.

Learning to be content in this season of snotty noses and diaper changes is hard.  It’s really hard.  I have no clue what I’m doing.  I know it will get harder as they get older and I’m dealing with a lot more heart issues.  Right now though, in this short season of childhood, I need to learn to fear and love the Lord functionally.  Laying down my desires, expectations, comparisons and my life to serve the Lord, my husband, and my kids is what I have been called to do.  That may look different for me.  I’m trying to figure out what it DOES look like.

It most definitely does not look like lipstick on my lips.

http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2010/08/the-essential-back-to-school-preparation.html

So I bet you’re wondering what’s been going on with the ol’ Price clan, right?  Right?  Anyone there?

…..right.  Okay, well even if you’re not wondering, here’s a breakdown of what’s been happening around these parts for the good part of the last 5 months….AKA  since Maelyn was born.

1.  Mae.  Or as the kids call her “Mae-Mae” (which, coincidently I found out from a friend that Mae-Mae means “little sister” in Chinese!)  She is doing absolutely wonderful!  In fact, she’s a big chunk and hasn’t had any health problems since her 2 week stint in the NICU!  Praise the Lord!  She’s absolutely adorable and the kids dote on her all the time.  Keely is like a 2nd mother to her (well as much as a 3 year old can be), even wants to help change her diaper.  We’ll see how long that lasts.

2.  Pastors College. Fact:  Eric was accepted.  Fact:  They didn’t run the Pastors College this year due to the economy affecting (effecting?) a lot of things within not only the program but men being able to go.  SOooo, we’re still here waiting on the Lord and trusting that His timing is perfect and that He is good always!

3.  Because of the aforementioned PC stuff, we bought a house.  What the what is right!  It’s actually a really cool story….a woman from our church recently got married and needed to sell her house.  Long story super short, we walked through her house and she told us afterward that she felt that the Lord wanted her to bless us with the house at an amazing price which was exactly what we had decided we could afford! Woop woop!  So, as of a month ago, we are homeowners!!!  We didn’t actually move in until last weekend because we were doing a lot to the house. God provided people to help with babysitting, painting, tiling, plumbing, electric etc….it was so kind of Him to bless us in that way and we are so thankful to those people who willingly gave up time that they could’ve been doing something fun to serve us instead.  We are SO excited to be able to have people over and be hospitable in our own house….can’t even explain how excited!

4.  There have been a lot of things going on with parts of my family and Eric’s family that can’t necessarily be mentioned here, but they have been hard for those involved.  Super hard.  For us, being on the outskirts of it, it’s been really cool (and also sad) to watch the way that God has sent his Spirit to those that know Him…to empower them to rely on His word, follow His ways, and find joy even in the midst of some big trials.  Very encouraging…and also very sad for those who do not know Him.   It always make me think of the verse

“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us, who are being saved, it is the power of God” (1 Cor 1:18)

What an amazing God we serve–one who doesn’t command us to do anything that He won’t send his Spirit to help you do.  It really has nothing to do with us and ALL to do with Jesus.

5.  Due to the fact that we have a basement that has 2 parts, I will now be able to leave my sewing machine and stuff out so that I can sew when I have a spare moment.  That might not actually be until the year 2020, but I have a lot of daydreaming going on about those days, so it’s almost real!  I do have a rather extensive list in my head of my next projects, but we’ll see if I can really get things happening.  School starts soon….

6.  Yes, school starts soon.  We homeschool….which means I need to get on the ball with a schedule and what we’re actually going to be doing.  The past month has been crazy ,crazy non-organized as far as the kids are concerned and it’s definitely wearing on all of us.  I don’t know how people do life without a routine….and those who say that giving kids structure and routine are harming creativity and imagination have probably not had more than one child.

7.  We celebrated Independence Day with a few friends and their kids…..it was really nice.  I have nothing to say about it other than I really loved being there with good friends and watching the kids all play together.  It was comfortable and fun and laid back.  Here are some pics:

7.  I recently made homemade bagels the other day from this recipe (except I did half wheat, half white flour), and I must say, they were stinkin’ good.  So good in fact, that I got greedy and wanted just another half of one before heading out to church yesterday ….which subsequently led me to the hospital needing stitches because I cut my finger open while drooling over the bagel.  Smooth.

I really don’t know what else to update about, it’s all a jumble in my head.

Oh–Lila turns 2 tomorrow!  What?!

Off to plan a party…..